Kicking One Direction’s Ass
April 10, 2012
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Right… on facebook I stated the following:
That’s it! I’ve decided, I’m going to punch a member of One Direction today. Place your bets on who will be the lucky recipient of my fists, aptly named after a character in RocknRolla, “One-Two”.
Now I won’t be able to do that without a plan. So, here it is.
1. Kidnap one of the members or take out and pose to be him/her.
Pretty sure I will be discovered as an imposter since I’ll be the only member with facial hair and taller than 4 feet (plan not drawn to scale).
2. I think the best course of action would be a flying punch to the closest member’s face. Hopefully breaking a nose or a jaw. This would probably spark a reaction from at least the member next to that one.
3. After the successful surprise attack on the first one, I’ll use the momentum to swing myself around and give a good kick to the second’s stomach. If I can crack a lower rib, the better.
4. Since they are young tough guns, the 3rd will run to the aid of his bum chum. Which will cause him to fall to my trap. As I kick the second member, I’ll use the flow of momentum to take him down and give a hight advantageous kick to the third’s face.
5. We all know the last one is the wimp, so I’ll jump towards him, bring him to his knees and shove his mic down his through. Maybe the gargling sound everyone hears over the speakers will remind them that not everyone likes them or the hype around them.
6. And then I run! I know my own strength and I’ll be able to take down the five (remember the one I had to remove to pose as a member) quite easily. But the horde of screaming psycho teenage girls will a whole new challenge to deal with.