July 6, 2011
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I have a strong belief that pigeons hate me.
Maybe it is because I think they are disease carrying rodents with the ability to fly. And saying that I do actually like bats more than I do pigeons. I mean really, have you ever heard of a superhero called Pigeonman? No! So bats must be cool.
Anyway, back to pigeons. They have a strange way about them… Their heads always bobbing back and forth, coming closer and closer. ready to nibble at your toes when you don’t look.
There is one thing pigeons hate more than they hate me…my car. Here is a close representation of my car. It is a close representation in the sense that it has wheels. That is pretty much it.
Here I am driving along. I have the same jovial and happy face in the morning and after work. I like driving, it gives me inner peace. It also gives me the feeling that I should let some other people rest in peace, which in turn lets me think about the ideal world with fewer people.
Notice anything odd about my car…..rephrase….notice the pigeon shit on the windscreen…that is not a feature of the car. A pigeon just decided to take a massive dump on my car. I don’t approve of things taking a dump on my possessions. So it is payback time.
I need to think of a way to get them back. I realised that running after a pigeon with your trousers around your ankles, ready to take a pigeon down after a breakfast of pure fibre, and yelling “LET’S SEE WHO LAUGHS LAST BITCH!!!” is not received well by the public. The bigger problem with that is the fact that there is a big chance you will fall and my privates will hit the tarmac.
So option number 2, hit them where it hurts! This will also be frowned upon by the public. But at night it should be ok.
Main problem with this is the fact that I’m pretty lazy and someone will probably need to pick me up and place me in the tree. Can’t be bothered to climb it.