The Geek Biker

Rambles of a geek that rides a bike

Origins of Santa

A while ago I posted a conversation I had about how I think Santa might be Satan. (Don’t get me started, read it for yourself : https://thegeekbiker.wordpress.com/2010/04/21/santa-is-satan/ )

Now that ’tis the season again, I had to rethink it…

Recently, my wife got admitted to the Australian court and there in the court room, I had my epiphany. In came the judges and they all had Santa suites on. I kid you not! Here is a picture of English and Australian judge attire:

Anyway, that got me thinking..what could have happened in the past that would justify a myth of a fat guy in a red suite giving gifts? So I had to think back to the ‘ol days and what could have transpired.

To set the scene…it is the late 1890’s. An little shed in the forest has a kid trying to make fire to protect himself from the cold.

In walks his dad…a scruffy bastard.

“Dad! I thought you were going to be hanged!”

“Well son, apparently a jolly fat guy in a red suite had other plans for me”

“Do tell”

“Well, he said I can come home if I kill his cheating wif…I mean, I can come home if I behave myself”.

“Wow! What a grand old chap!”

“Indeed son, I even got you a gift. Tis a hammer  he carried around with him. I took it from his limp body after I stab…I mean, he told me to give it to you if you were a good boy! Have you been a good boy?”

“Yes daddy! Tell me more of the jolly man!”

“For crying out loud! He’s old. He’s fat. He wears a red suite and give gifts! what more do you want to know!?!?”

“Where does he come from?”

“I don’t know and don’t care.He could have come from the North Pole dragged along by magical reindeer for all I care! But what matters is that I’m home and he’s dead!”

“*SNIFF* Dead? *SNIFF* really dead??? *SNIFF*”

“No no no no no, what I meant was….erm…he’s back home….for another year…he’ll be back…in a year”

“But why daddy”

“To make some more hammers for good children. No be a good boy and bring me some grog.”

Yip, that is how I think it played off. Or would have. Don’t believe wikipedia and its nonsense around Sinterklaas etc etc.

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One response to “Origins of Santa

  1. Pingback: It smells like X-mas! | The Thumper!

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