The Geek Biker

Rambles of a geek that rides a bike

Stop telling me about stupid movies

I think I found the ultimate solution to getting people to stop telling me about movies that I’m not interested in. Especially if it is a big hyped series I couldn’t care less about. I have to set up the scene for this one.

I’m out with friends and the conversation turns to movies. Since there are a lot of fans of shitty movies, topics like Harry Snotter and twilight would eventually come up. It is not that I don’t like these movies, I despise it….maybe more what they represent. But how do I get people to change topic and talk about something different?

The solution however is not as subtle as you would imagine. In fact, it is pretty harsh, but I’m 99%* sure that it will have the desired effect!

There is one catch though. This requires some preparation and internet time. I’ll take Harry Snotter as an example again. (No spoilers, everything to follow is made up….or is it???). So the new movies are (divided in 2 parts WTF!) coming out and I don’t give a crap. So this is what I’m going to do. I’m going to go onto IMDB or another respectable movie spoiler site and read only the critical spoiler. Then, when someone starts talking to me about Harry Snotter and the Deadly Blowjob and how furiously awesome it is going to be….I’d give them a stern warning that if they continue I WILL spoil it for them. If they persist…BAM…I lay it out…I wouldn’t know who the characters are that I’m talking about, but I’d regurgetate the last bit I read on the spoiler and see my foe run as the wind.

To illustrate my point.

Dude: “Dude, did you see the new Harry Snotter and the Deadly Blowjob Part 1 is coming out”.

Me: “Don’t care”.

Dude: “But it is going to be AWESOME!”.

Me: “This is an official warning, if you continue with this conversation, I will lay out the spoiler on you…”.

Dude:”But Voldifart is so mean and Harry swings his wand and ..”

Me:” Harry realises that Voldifart is his long last lover from when they were kids. In a mud bath fight, he gets over the fact that Voldifart tried to eat his *soul* and have no nose. They start making out and decides in a crime of passion to switch *wands*. The red head guy and the dude in chicks clothes decides to jump in and a massive orgy erupts. Which leads to a scene of ‘a few years later’ where a no-nose, face-scarred, red-haired girl unleashes her teen anger on the world because not only does she not know who her father is, but she fell in love with a fag-glittery vampire…”

Dude:”NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooo”.

Me: “Told you so”.

If you have a complaint, I’ll tell you what this guy would have told you:

*Note: I’ve seen in adds on TV that soaps that claims to kill bacteria only kills 99% of bacteria. This has something to do with people suing them if they say 100% and suddenly there is still a bacteria left flying around. So I employed the same convention for my practices. Mainly because I don’t want people to tell me my theory doesn’t work for them.
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