A forewarning, if you still believe in Santa…don’t read…or do….did I mention that I don’t care….anyway
I had a conversation with one of my work colleagues today (whom I’ll call Nelson Muntz). It started with a random post about the tooth fairy and escalated to a full blown conversation about how evil Santa is. Well in my mind anyway.
Here is an extract which I’ve changed slightly for easier reading:
(12:19:08 PM) You feel a disturbance in the force…
(12:19:10 PM) Nelson Muntz: “The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money.”
(12:20:55 PM) Tertius van Zyl: Yip. And Santa is a fat man in a red suite that gets into your house at night and gives away free presents and candy.
(12:22:02 PM) Nelson Muntz: so have you slapped (somebody somewhere) out of my desk yet?
(12:22:08 PM) Tertius van Zyl: Nope not yet
(12:22:23 PM) Tertius van Zyl: I have a theory about Santa….care to hear it?
(12:22:28 PM) Tertius van Zyl: I’ll tell it anyway
(12:22:51 PM) Nelson Muntz: lucky I did want to hear it then..
(12:24:46 PM) Tertius van Zyl: Santa = Satan…. He lives in the north pole…. and the polar caps are melting…coincidence? He wears red suite….devil is …red…. He knows when you are naughty or nice….ready to take you to hell….his big black boots: to cover his hooves. His hat : To cover his horns. He has demonic deer that flies. His bag is for kidnapping. And the last truth: Who laughs HO-HO-HO???????
(12:25:33 PM) Nelson Muntz: wow, you have been giving this A LOT of thought!
(12:26:08 PM) Nelson Muntz: but yes, your theory makes sense, except there’s no purpose to that theory?
(12:26:28 PM) Nelson Muntz: apart from scary kids into being good, which doesn’t really make a diff whether it’s Satan or Santa
(12:26:32 PM) Tertius van Zyl: human (unseen though) form to walk around on earth
(12:26:54 PM) Tertius van Zyl: But he is unseen…so he is not actually scary is he?
(12:27:36 PM) Tertius van Zyl: And what is the greatest trick the devil ever pulled? Convince the people that he doesn’t exist….Do we believe Santa exists? nope…we stopped believing in that a long time ago
(12:30:42 PM) Nelson Muntz: Just realised you are actually being sensible and not just a joke theory. As such, I’ll put some thought into it to. Must remember that oppose to you, as I am non religious.
– If unseen, why does he need to have a “Santa form”
– Mess kidnap/death of infants on silent night is unheard of
– Why only one night in the year
– If he is going to kidnap, why does he need a reason
– as an aside, the south pole is melting too 😀
(12:31:05 PM) Nelson Muntz: Mass* kidnap/death
(12:36:43 PM) Tertius van Zyl: worthy points.
Unseen to those who does not believe in him. But children still see him. So they would trust a big fat jolly guy with sweets. All unsolved cases. Now one will believe a lot of parents who say that their children got abducted by aliens or went all ghost busters on them. Laws of religion keeps him from taking the good ones. Maybe the parents are happy not to report the bad children that went missing. Not only is both caps melting, but the earth core is a ball of fire…not everything is explainable…but it is there
(12:43:00 PM) Nelson Muntz: more points:
– if unseen, how do you know he’s red?
– why would he care if there were children or not?
– unsolved and unheard is vastly different
– if parents on mass reported missing children, there will be mass coverage
– why would he respect laws? He wouldn’t be Satan if he did!
– good parents can have bad kids too, and most parents would care if the bad children is missing!
– Nearly all planets have a molten core..
(12:43:20 PM) Nelson Muntz: it is interesting though… that concept, must admit I’ve never heard of it.. and yet it does make some sense
(12:44:26 PM) Nelson Muntz: one another thing, unless you are the one true genius that exist in your religion, you would think religious leaders would’ve killed off these tricks of satan ages ago?
(12:47:42 PM) Tertius van Zyl: pfft…as if that is possible. All religions have tried it in the past. Crusades, Jihad etc etc etc… not that easy.. O yes, did I mention that the other name for Santa is Saint Nic??? Very close to Old Nick (which is an old English nickname for Satan)
(12:49:44 PM) Tertius van Zyl: Not to mention juggling Santa actually gives Satan
(12:51:50 PM) Nelson Muntz: here’s two questions I ask my religious friends:
“If God is omnipotent and he wants to rid the world of evil, why doesn’t he just destroy Satan?”
“If you know you would get killed and does nothing about it, is that suicide?”
(12:52:30 PM) Nelson Muntz: I’m not saying your theory’s rubbish.. the opposite really.. intrigued though that all Christian countries in the world pretty much embrace Santa and the whole story.
(12:53:31 PM) Tertius van Zyl: nah, don’t think about it too much, but Santa is there to get the children to go to bed early in x-mas eve so the parents can party and get wasted on eggnog.
(12:54:26 PM) Tertius van Zyl: I’ll have to use this conversation in my blog.
(12:54:38 PM) Tertius van Zyl: will change the names
(12:54:44 PM) Nelson Muntz: rofl..
(12:54:54 PM) Nelson Muntz: can’t wait to see what stupid name you give me..
(12:54:56 PM) Nelson Muntz: probably nelson..haha
—-End of Conversation—–
Food for thought….. I think it is clear from the whole discussion that a valid conclusion can be made. That conclusion is that I can’t think of any good replacement names when copying and pasting conversations from a chat log.